I am writing a short series on Beauty, how we are tempted to think about it and how God might direct our thoughts about it. In the first post, I encouraged us that the Bible is more concerned with inward beauty than outward beauty. In this post I will discuss how I would define a concerning level of, or inordinate focus on, beauty. I also discuss what it means to idolize beauty, and how I apply these ideas to the way I dress myself.
How would I define an inordinate focus on beauty? It’s hard to give an answer to that question. There are several things to consider: how much time one spends on daily grooming; how much money is spent on beauty products and clothing; whether one uses surgeries or other medical procedures to change one’s appearance; and finally, what the motivations for choices in these areas are. Are all these investments of time, money and surgery commensurate with standards of my surrounding culture or do they go over and above my surrounding culture and community? That is not to say that my surrounding culture will always have it right, but it still helps us consider our own life setting. How much of my thought life is engrossed in this focus? We might all answer these questions differently, but engaging in the calculations of time and money helps us individually to assess our own practices. Perhaps most importantly we have to ask ourselves: is our quest to look attractive displacing our ability to use our time and our money for the Kingdom of God and love of our neighbor?
In addition to evaluating whether we have an inordinate focus on beauty, it is also important to examine whether our focus on outward appearance has become or is becoming a form of idolatry. What do I mean by idolatry? The Bible defines idolatry as worshiping something other than the living God (see Romans 1:25). Idolatry is putting your hope in something or someone other than the true God for your value, salvation, and righteousness. It is the worship of a created thing, which manifests itself in organizing life around the worshiped value or object. To give a personal example, when I am worshiping this idol of appearance, I only feel happy with myself if I weigh a certain amount and have certain features and clothing, etc. It is a form of righteousness. If I weigh myself at night and the number is too high, it not only impacts how I feel about myself but also dictates part of my agenda for the next day. It is a form of righteousness or system of worship which gives me alternate rules for daily living which God did not command. That’s how I am defining idolatry.
Idolatry in the area of beauty can also result in us worshiping a certain body image or body type. In the book “The Religion of Thinness,” the author, Michelle Lelwica writes:
“This ‘religion’ teaches us that controlling our weight will give us a feeling of control over our lives. It offers us hope of health and happiness through the idea of the ‘perfect’ body, which we believe is attainable through diet and exercise. It teaches us to feel morally superior if we ‘eat right” (meaning fewer fat grams or calories), and connects us to a larger community of women who are trying to lose weight. It gives us rituals – like counting and burning calories) – that create a sense of order. And it includes a plethora of icons and symbols in the form of models and actresses in whose image we are encouraged to recreate ourselves. Perhaps most importantly of all, it gives us an ultimate purpose – the ‘salvation’ that comes from being thin.” (Lelwica, p. xx)
Lelwica critiques this religion: she says it is a superficial way to measure one’s own worth or the worth of another person. Furthermore, thinness itself isn’t a reliable indicator of physical health. A focus on thinness and beauty can eclipse the development of far more important aspects of character and achievement. Because Lelwica sees this as more of a problem for women than for men, she explores the gender inequities which perpetuate the problem for women: while women are busy trying to look beautiful for men, they lose time needed to develop their minds and achieve other endeavors in life. In the process of suppressing their hunger physically and perhaps emotionally as well, they may become unable to discern their own needs. They busy themselves pleasing others, rather than pursuing their own path. Moreover, as a religion goes, she says it fails to actually address problems of shame, fails to put our lives into real moral balance or to relieve the actual anxieties and emotions of daily life. For instance, eating for comfort after hurtful family interactions fails to resolve those hurts and may inflict more harm on us. And finally, Lelwica comes from a Christian tradition, so she exposes the particular ways she has seen that Christianity may pressure women to be fit, to look beautiful and to be pleasing to men, rather than to pursue their individual path.
If you have read any of my posts on the roles of men and women, you will know that I differ somewhat from Lelwica on pursuing an individual path. I believe that God’s people, both men and women, are called to be productive members of a community, serving the Lord and one another with their talents, which may at times conflict with their ambitions for themselves. However I do share Lelwica’s concern about women investing too much time and energy trying to appeal to men with their outward appearance. And I have read and heard Christians urge wives to carefully tend their outward appearance for the protection of their husband’s faithfulness. (*See below.)
Biblically, I see varied messages about how we as women should dress and adorn ourselves. Song of Songs talks about spouses beautifying themselves for each other in a celebration of romantic love. Thus it would seem wives would be encouraged to dress in a way that pleases their husbands. Yet, in 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 and 1 Timothy 2:6-15, Paul urges wives (and maybe women in general) to dress modestly and simply in public, and to focus on good works. It makes sense to me that as a married woman, I would dress myself most attractively for my husband (and he should dress himself in a way that pleases me, too). I think it is very important to say that wives and husbands are not responsible for their spouses’ faithfulness, even while having some focus on pleasing one another with their appearance. Jesus emphasizes to men that they are responsible for their own problems with lust, not the women they might be lusting after (Matthew 5:27-30).
But what about special occasions? Is the Bible saying we can’t dress up? An important aspect of clothing is social functionality. What do I mean by that? When I go out for a special occasion like a wedding, dressing up is appropriate and respectful. When I go out to minister to students, I dress in a way to make them comfortable around me. That means that they may not even notice what I have on – it fits in the setting. It’s neither too dressy nor too frumpy. When I go to church, I think about this also. I dress in a way that won’t distract men, but also won’t distract women. This same principle would also apply to the question of dress for special occasions. Dressing up, in this case, fits with the setting and allows you to blend in, not drawing too much attention to yourself because of your looks. I feel that this principle gets to the heart of what Paul says in 1 Corinthians. Finally, I also dress in a way that is comfortable for me. . That means I dress in something in which I won’t feel self-conscious and that won’t make me constantly worry about my appearance rather than focusing on others.. I dress in something that suits my age and body type. My clothing is a servant to my more important goals of ministry. Please understand that I offer these thoughts not because I believe they must be norms for others, but as an example of a way to take biblical principles and apply them in 21st century life.
It is counter-cultural today in parts of the world to think how I dress is anybody’s business but my own. The Bible is counter-cultural in making my behavior in various areas not just my independent decisions, but decisions in which I must consider my impact on others. Romans 14-15 is one passage which supports that idea. The scrutiny of women’s appearances and clothing is a sore subject, which I will blog about in the future.
I have written today about how we might resist idolatry of outward appearance in our clothing. In my next post, I will talk about eating and fitness. Once again, I want to conclude this post with hope. One reformer, John Calvin, said, “The human heart is an idol factory.” If that is so, that doesn’t sound hopeful! It might incline us to wail with Paul, “wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” but if we read on we read not only that in Christ, we are not condemned but that the “law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 7:24, 8;1-2) Thanks be to God!
*For example, Willard Harley told wives that their husbands “needed” an attractive spouse (and an orderly home, etc.) in his 1994 book entitled His Needs Her Needs: Building a Marriage That Lasts. Or Marabel Morgan warned wives in her 1973 book, The Total Woman, that husbands were around attractive, well-dressed women in the workplace all day, so they needed to greet him at the end of the day, not clad in their frumpy housecoats. I personally think both of these books put inappropriate responsibility on wives for their husband’s faithfulness.