Bill and I recently traveled to Texas to have three gatherings for PCF alumni, in Houston, in Waco and in Dallas. We are not spectacular forward planners; we began to communicate with alumni about one month in advance. As a consequence, we were very uncertain who would be able to attend the gatherings, and even more unsure who would be able to host. Ideally, we wanted to have the groups in homes, but we prepared for the possibility that we might need to use a hotel lobby or restaurant. We prayed for homes and attendees and God answered!
In all three cities, alums opened their homes. One alum had just had her first baby, yet she bravely made her home available. We brought the food, but the space was what made the gathering so comfortable. In one of the cities, our hosts were out of town, yet they trusted us with their lovely home both to host the gathering and to spend the night. And a third host not only made his house available but served a lovely spread of food. Each location represented to Bill and to me the love and generosity of God’s people.
That generosity has ministered to us for decades, giving us a sense of being well cared for over the years of PCF work. Alums we barely knew made their homes available to us for vacations. Others have made us dinner and housed us overnight as we road-tripped across the country. The time together is personal in a way that meeting at a restaurant is not. Of course, there are times when a restaurant meal is also an act of hospitality. Getting together and being together is the point!
Hospitality is a complicated word for many of us. It may conjure up perfectionistic expectations which intimidate most of us. In the early years of our marriage and ministry, I struggled greatly to live up to the examples I saw around me of hosts who were revered in our church. I even wondered if Bill and I would succeed in the ministry because I clearly lacked the gift of hospitality. My home was not fancy, my budget was limited, my social skills were lacking and I got stressed out over menu planning, cleaning and cooking. In 1998, Karen Mains published her book Open Heart, Open Home, which put forth an inspiring and freeing model of hospitality. It has been years since I read her book, but I took away from it the importance of opening one’s home, resistance to striving for perfection and the practice of allowing guests to help. She contrasted “entertaining” with “hospitality.” Entertaining was about putting on an impressive show. Hospitality was about sharing your home and life with people for mutual encouragement. There is a more recent book on hospitality which many are reading now – The Gospel Comes With a House Key, by Rosaria Butterfield – which sounds similar themes from what I have heard.
Our world feels increasingly impersonal to me. Many people walk and inhabit public spaces with headphones on. I have written before on the trends toward having fewer meaningful friendships. But perhaps Covid sensitized all of us to the need for connection. Perhaps it is my increasing age that has made me less “filtered” and more emboldened to push past civilities which keep us at a distance. Since moving to Colorado, we have hosted many people in our home, more in one year than probably in the last five years in New Jersey.
I have dusted off my menu planning skills to make food which is versatile enough for a variety of food tastes and limitations. “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us. All we ask is that you let us serve it your way!” Do you recognize that jingle? I am trying to have that spirit as I plan for guests, while still making it simple enough to not become a bundle of nerves. Instead of feeling intimidated, I have thanked God lately for the examples of truly gracious hosts in my life experience. I still don’t consider myself to have the gift of hospitality, but imitating them even a little bit makes showing hospitality more accessible. I have rejoiced to see how meaningful it has been to host old and new friends in our new home.
Years ago, as a child, I was given a book – If Jesus Came to My House. It was a long poem about how when we host others, that is really how we host the Lord Jesus. Conversely, when we fail to host, or share with others, this reflects that we are not truly making space for Jesus to be in our lives and to work through us. Jesus told his disciples a parable of the final judgment, concluding with this: “And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’” That pronouncement is both sobering and encouraging. If we have no room in our lives for giving to others some form of hospitality, we are missing the opportunity to serve King Jesus. But if we expend time, money and energy on others, He sees and experiences it as our love for him. We are to love God first of all, but how encouraging to know that showing love to his beloved humans is a chief way of showing love for him!