This week we are taking a closer look at Ephesians 5, one of the passages in the Bible that talks about specific roles for husbands and wives.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word…In the same way, Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church…” (Ephesians 5:22-25,28-29).
These verses are part of a longer passage about marriage. We will discuss submission in later posts. I’m highlighting these verses this week because I want to focus on biblical headship. The term “headship” has been abused and misused so much that we often have a knee jerk reaction when we hear it. However, biblical headship is not domineering, controlling, demanding, or abusive. In this passage we see Paul drawing a clear connection between the way Christ leads the church and the way a husband should lead his wife.
If the husband is to lead like Christ we have to ask ourselves, “how does Christ lead the church?” First, by giving Himself up for her. Christ died so that the church could exist. Without His sacrifice, there would have been no way for us to enter into a relationship with God or into relationship as brothers and sisters in Christ. Similarly, husbands are called to die to themselves and lead their wives in a self sacrificial manner. This means putting her interests, needs, and concerns before his own.
Paul also instructs husbands to provide (this is often translated “nourish”) and care for their wives like they would for themselves. What does this look like? It looks like a husband who cares deeply about his wife’s physical, spiritual, and emotional health. He is concerned that she is not only growing in her walk with Christ, but that she is comprehensively healthy. This also implies that they have a close friendship, and that they are sharing their intimate heart concerns and challenges with one another.
Finally, Christ also leads in humility (Philippians 2:5-8). All Christians are instructed to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3). Husbands, likewise, should model Christ in doing everything in humility, and in emptying themselves for the betterment of their wives and family. They should not be puffed up in pride, for God opposes the proud (1 Peter 5:5). Husbands have not been given the role as “head” because they have better leadership qualities than their wives, but simply because God decided to order the household this way. It may even be the case that some wives have more leadership qualities than their husbands! This is cause for great humility. As we learned from our study of the first marriage in Genesis, Adam, before he was a sinner, was told that he needed a helper. Husbands need their wives and the gifts with which God has endowed them, and should regularly seek their counsel and respect their opinions. A good head receives help with humility and joy.
Does this sound like a dream husband? Well, in many ways it is, because only Christ can lead perfectly. All men are mere humans and will fail often. If wives look to their husbands to lead in perfection they will be left brokenhearted. Earlier in Ephesians, Paul exhorts believers to “…grow in every way into him who is the head – Christ. From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part.” (Ephesians 4:15b-16) Although this passage is specifically speaking to the importance of every believer to the health and proper functioning of the church as a whole, it also highlights the fact that we are all to seek our nourishment and growth from Christ. Husbands will fail, but He never does. Now that we have entered into relationship with God and with one another, Christ provides and cares for us. We have our spiritual, physical and emotional needs met through God in Christ. Our husbands should be seeking to be good representatives of Christ in the home; but even if they are not, Christ is always present and always caring for us.
In a few weeks, in part two of our discussion of headship, we will look at some additional verses that specify what an exemplary husband should be (and therefore what he shouldn’t be). It is my prayer that this will be an encouragement to you. Have a blessed week!