Last January I witnessed a conversation between one of my daughters and my 89 year-old father.  My dad was telling some stories about his youth, and he brought up that when he went to high school, all female students were required to take home economics and all male students were required to take shop.  There was not a lot of flexibility. My father was not gifted for shop, and got the lowest grade of his high school years in this class. He still regretted that his school had not allowed him to substitute a course in engineering drawing, for which he was better suited.  Nevertheless, he defended the requirement that women take home economics, because the majority of them would become homemakers in some capacity. My daughter objected to this gender tracking.

My dad’s assertion was a reflection of families around him and of his own. Nevertheless, both of my parents got college degrees from prestigious schools. My mom went to Wellesley and got a BA in English Literature.  After she married my father, she attended seminary part-time with him, learning Greek while simultaneously having two children in rapid succession. They had limited financial means, so she never completed her seminary degree.  When their ministry support ran out, my father returned to the field of his undergraduate degree – Physics – and found a teaching job. He eventually went on to earn a PhD in Physics. I was born by then, and later my younger brothers.  While we were still young, Mom returned to get a Masters in English Literature. Mom taught us all to read before we entered kindergarten. Our home was a small rental, our clothing was inexpensive and well worn. Our food was basic and adequate, and as we grew up we realized Mom was not a good cook, nor a good housekeeper, despite having had home economics in school!  She covered the basics, but also enlisted our help. We all learned to do chores. We all learned to bake. Dad continued to be bad at shop – “not handy around the house.”

My parents were both highly intelligent – “nerds” – out of step with stereotypical roles in some ways, but in step with a sense of responsibility:  Dad provided, and Mom managed the house. My father esteemed Mom’s work in the house and raising us and he supported her continuing to develop her mind.  He listened to her in regard to every life decision. He dubbed her “the quarterback of the family” and he saw himself carrying out the “game plays” that she planned.  She eventually began to work part-time, first as an ESL teacher and later as a home tutor. Mom believed in the power of education for each person’s advancement. She pushed each of us academically to achieve.  She was a “tiger mom” before the term was invented: once I came home and reported I got a 98 on a test and she asked what had happened to the other two points, and what another smart girl in class had gotten. On the other hand, my mom delighted in us, and in the privilege of motherhood.

How do I think about gender tracking in education?  You might deduce from my writing last year about gender roles in marriage that I would support it.  I do believe that God has given women breasts and wombs to use for growing the next generation. I do believe it is a great blessing when work does not separate moms from infants for long hours.  But I also believe a broad education is not a waste for any career path, including homemaking. The world has changed from when my parents were raising us, or even when I was raising our kids. And I believe those changes are good.  Women and men are first and foremost equal creatures made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-28). An equal education for girls and boys positively reaffirms that equality as persons.

I delight that as a woman I had equal opportunity to my male peers to a broad education.  I delight that my daughters have equal opportunities to work and that many workplaces are now making it possible for mothers to continue their careers.  My husband and I gave our daughters equal education, and gave all of our children “home economics” when they were home schooled. I believe all of our children should arrive at adulthood competent to care for themselves – earn a living, cook, clean their own houses, wash their own laundry, manage their own finances, take care of their cars, hang a picture, and do other handy things around the house.  I am truly proud to have raised four children who can do those things. And I am proud that my adult son does not think of housework as “women’s work” but cheerfully works with his wife to divide tasks so that they can both work and be attentive to their son and managing their home.

My mother had to fight to go to college and to be allowed to get a driver’s license.  Her father did not think a woman needed to go to college and my grandmother had not attended college.  He said Mom would drive the car into the creek. Mom researched financial aid, applied and was admitted.  She got driving lessons from her uncle. When it came time for each of us to do these things, there was no question that we each would drive and go to college regardless of gender, and that we would push (require) our children to responsibly pursue these skills and credentials.

My children probably don’t know their grandmother had to push for these privileges.  Occasionally they experienced our goals for their education as a burden, rather than as a privilege.  Our family had a written philosophy of education, in case they didn’t know why they had to get an education! It explained why they had to learn subjects which did not interest them, and it also explained why they had to do chores.  A broad and “unisex” education was mandatory for all of our kids: our goal was for them to develop basic life skills and also to eventually reveal their individual strengths and gifts. Our hope was that they would each find a path for career or employment, as well as competence for their personal lives, whatever their future family status would be. Our philosophy of education also framed education in light of service to God and neighbor. The purpose we communicated for their education was to prepare them to fulfill the two Great Commandments, love of God and love of neighbor (Matthew 22:34-40).

Perhaps at a later date, my children can chime in to say how they see it.  I am proud of each of them, and love the beauty of their individual career paths.

Last week I overheard another conversation, between my two roommates from college at a gathering for women alumni.  One reported to the other a remark she heard that our college education was a waste if all the graduate planned to do was stay at home with children.  We may think my father’s generation was narrow minded about women, but many in today’s generation are unfortunately narrow minded about motherhood. That is a topic for a future post!  I want to rejoice at the elevation of women, the enlargement of our opportunities and continue to affirm the worthy work of parenting.